You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
