sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
