My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
