maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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