I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
