Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
