physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
