i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
