College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
