I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
