when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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