i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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