so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
