my phone needs a breathalizer
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
