i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
