worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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