And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dear god my vagina.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
