my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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