Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
