I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
