I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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