I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
