Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
