He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
