How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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