as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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