He is such a slut. More and more my type.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
