Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I want to fling myself into the sun
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
