I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm bleeding and have questions
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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