i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
