and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
