I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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