Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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