He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
