im having a threesome with these popsicles
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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