i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
