I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
