I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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