I wanna passion pit in your ass
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
