I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
