Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
