if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Life is so much better after having sex.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
