woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
