She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
