Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
