i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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