Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just had sex bonerless
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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