he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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