so explain again why im purple
no
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
