I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
